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20 agosto, 2006

Escatologia pura, sem mistura
Por Fran Pacheco

Não tem como escapar, simpatia. Muito menos fugir do desagradável e mal-cheiroso assunto. Com todo mundo é assim, acontece periodicamente (ou não, se o sistema não estiver funcionando bem). Há quem adore (tem doido pra tudo), mas também há quem abomine e até sinta vergonha. Mas tem como escapar não, ô artista. Até mesmo o homem mais rico do Brasil ou a top-model mais glamourosa têm que fazer. Portanto, relaxa, madama. Resista ao compreensível embaraço e curta cada movimento desta sinfonia fisiológica.

De quando em quando, portanto, vossa senhoria é afetada por aquela necessidade básica, vindo de dentro, e se sente compelida a procurar o lugar adequado para tomar as providências cabíveis. Em sociedades primitivas a coisa se fazia a céu aberto, em público mesmo. Até que tomamos vergonha na cara e passamos a fazer às escondidas, como convém, num recinto adrede construído para esse fim. O negócio então é chegar com a fleugma de que não quer nada e perguntar (discretamente) onde fica o tal lugar. Alguém treinado para isso provavelmente lhe dirá (discretamente), “terceira portinha à esquerda, lá no fundo do corredor”.

Finalmente sozinho, apartado do burburinho lá de fora, você pode respirar fundo, enxugar o suor frio da testa, perder a vegonha de si próprio e mandar ver. Há quem afirme não ser necessário tapar o nariz (seríamos imunes à nossa própria porcaria).

Consumatum est? Então pode olhar, ainda que de soslaio, para examinar a aparência da coisa. Há quem se detenha longamente, contemplando admirado. Freud explica. Melhor é simplesmente apertar a tecla CONFIRMA e dar o fora o quanto antes. Viu como votar nesses políticos que estão aí não é nenhum bicho de sete cabeças? E não caia na generalização barata de dizer que é tudo a mesma merda. Com a prática, você perceberá as diferenças. Mas só com a prática, porque no momento, meu chapa, nem de merda o brasileiro entende.


 

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