Carta aberta ao colega Narizinho
Por Fran Pacheco
Juca,
Parafraseando Voltaire, posso não rir de nenhuma piada tua, mas lutaria até o fim pelo teu direito de contá-las na tribuna do Senado. Aliás, Juca, Voltaire nunca disse nada parecido, mas isso fica pra outro post, menos nasal que o corrente. O que importa Juca, é que estou contigo, com teu nariz, e não abro. Achei essa tua iniciativa de concorrer ao Senado pela Bahia um verdadeiro chuá. Não importa o que aquelas togas rezinguentas do TRE bahiano estejam aprontando contigo. Que diabos eles entendem de otorrinolaringologia? Não importa, outrossim, que só 2% dos soteropolitanos venham a sufragar vossa nasalidade. Se eu fosse intelequitual engajado, Juca, se eu comesse metade das mulheres que o Chico come – tás me entendendo? – saía por aí assinando manifesto em defesa do teu direito líquido, certo e cheio de coriza de entrar de nariz e tudo no Congresso. Conclamaria teus semelhantes, como Emerson Fittipaldi, Betânia e Dustin Hoffman para sair em defesa da imunidade parlamentar pro teu septo nasal. Pela urgência urgentíssima de dispormos dessa lapa a farejar escândalos nos corredores do puder. Porque sacumé, Juca... piadinha sem graça por piadinha, tal como dólar na cueca, superfaturamento de merenda escolar estragada etc. etc. sou mais as tuas, que têm o condão de só fazer mal ao saco de quem ouve. E só de imaginar, bicho, os nobres senadores passando o dia aturando aquele teu violão de menestrel, tu, em cima daquele banquinho, na tribuna, descalço, repetindo pela pentelhésima vez aquelas paródias batidas... ah, que curtição doida seria, Juca! Já pensaste nas notícias da Voz do Brasil? “Performance do senador Juca Chaves é interrompida por festival de vômitos no plenário”... “Juca afirma que não se calará e onda de suicídios coletivos assola o Senado”... Ô Juca, precisamos de você lá!
Por essas e por outras, Juca, siga na luta – teu nariz na vanguarda, abrindo caminho, recorrendo e escorrendo até a última instância. O que dá pra rir, Juca, dá pra chorar e vice-versa, tás me entendedo? Vai fundo, meu chapa, que ninguém segura esse nariz!
P.S. É verdade que o teu partido é o mesmo do Eymael? Porra, Juca, tu és mesmo um artista...
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